Kenia: MUZUNGU!HIHOWAREYOU?IAMFINE!

Ich habe mich damit abgefunden ein Fremdkörper zu sein. Umgehen kann ich damit trotzdem nicht. 

2013-12-03 11.08.34

„Let’s avoid traffic“

Stan will den Stau umfahren.Dreißig knietiefe Schlaglöcher später steht unser Kleinbus eingekeilt zwischen Rikscha-Guys, Matatus und Ständen mitten auf dem Gikomba Market. Es heißt, es sei der größte Markt in Afrika. Ich glaube er ist größer. „We avoided traffic!“, sagt Stan triumphierend und kriecht 20 Zentimeter weiter. Dann wird es still. Zu still. Stan fummelt hektisch am Zündschloss. Tot. Unser Nissan hat sich soeben verabschiedet.

Eine super Stelle um liegen zu bleiben. „You have to push it!“, ruft Stan. Ich atme tief durch und will die Tür öffnen. „Wait!“. Kein Saft in der Batterie. Die Zentralverriegelung funktioniert nicht mehr. „You can’t push it!“. Auf der Rückbank liegen zwei Fernsehkameras und viele andere Sachen, für die man in Nairobi gerne mal einen K.O. Schlag kassiert. Ich bleibe also im Wagen. Lenny muss schieben.

2013-12-03 14.52.00

Stau. Nairobi-Edition.

Ein halbtoter, fast beulenfreier Kleinbus: Business für etwa 20 selbsternannte Mechaniker, die gerade um uns herumwuseln. Kann man ihnen nicht verübeln. Das Auto wackelt, bewegt sich aber kaum. „You’re too heavy!“ brüllt es vom Fahrersitz. Ich steige zum Schieben aus. Und auf einmal ist das Auto ziemlich uninteressant.

Es gibt gewisse Dinge, die der „Muzungu“ nicht macht. Laufen zum Beispiel. Ich bin aber trotzdem in der Lage zwei Kilometer zu Fuß zurückzulegen. Das muss ich aber jeden Morgen etwa 20 Taxis, Motorrädern und Matatus erklären. Geschenkt. Fragen kostet ja nix. Aber das Antworten strengt an.

Ebenso ungewöhnlich ist unsere mittelschwere Katastrophe vorm Gikomba Market: Ein liegengebliebenes Auto multipliziert mit Filmteam potenziert mit diesem bleichen Kerl, der da gerade aus dem Auto hüpft. Und dann, OMG, hat der auch noch blonde Haare. Da guckt der Kenianer nicht lang. Der brüllt direkt in allen Tonlagen Muzungu und fragt warum ich denn nicht getankt hätte.

Ich muss das dringend reflektieren – dieses „Weiß Sein“. Aber wie ich es auch drehe, ich finde keinen Zugang. Zumindest nicht ohne alle Nasen lang irgendein postkoloniales Gedankenverbrechen zu begehen.

Boulevard of first world problems.

Boulevard of first world problems.

Etwas, was der Muzungu auch nicht mehr oft macht ist Einkaufen. Seitdem im September ein paar islamistische Harros auf die Idee kamen in der Westgate Mall um sich zu schießen, hat sich so mancher Weißer noch ein paar Meter Stacheldraht gekauft und schickt jetzt seine Hausangestellten zum Einkaufen. Hinter hohen Mauern kann man dem Gras auch besser beim Wachsen zuschauen. Wobei: man sollte wissen, dass die Westgate Mall nicht gerade der Tengelmann von Nairobi war, sondern DER Treffpunkt für alles was sich hier UN, Expat, Diplomat oder sonstwie schimpft: Die reichen Ausländer eben.

Ich mag das nicht. Diese Straßen in denen sich goldene Käfige aneinanderreihen. Ich mag auch nicht, dass man mir verbieten will nach Einbruch der Dunkelheit zu Fuß zu gehen. Und ich mag erst recht nicht, dass Nairobi aus den Taxi-Tunneln besteht, in die man mich reinquatscht. Das ist doch ekelig! Da will man doch raus! Da macht man Dinge, die doch jeder macht. In die Innenstadt fahren zum Beispiel. Ist ja Sonntag. Nicht viel los. Das wird entspannt. Dass die Matatu-Insassen schlagartig verstummen, wenn ich einsteige – das kann ich ja noch ignorieren. Nicht aber die fünf Klebstoff-Kids, die drei Safari-Händler und die zwei „New Rafikis“ die mir seit zwei Straßen hinterherrennen. „Du bist stehen geblieben, was?“, wird man mich später fragen. Und ich werde dann antworten: „Natürlich! An der Ampel zum Beispiel“. Dann werde ich ein mitleidiges Lächeln kassieren.

Ja, ja, ich weiß schon, wie das geht. Nicht anhalten, nicht umschauen und um Himmels willen keine Fotos machen – vor allem nicht da, wo keine Kenyatta-Statue steht. Und Zack da ist es wieder. Dieses Geschmäckle. Dieser Reichtum den ich verteidigen muss. Der besteht bei meinem Trip durch die Innenstadt zwar ausschließlich aus einem Handy und umgerechnet 30 Euro, aber für die Leute, die mir gerade hinterherlaufen ist der entweder unendlich groß, oder sie vermuten an meinem Körper irgendwo eine Kreditkarte.

Ich möchte nichts verteidigen. Wozu? Ich konnte mir den Flug hier hin leisten. Da werden mir 20 Euro Taschendiebstahl nicht das Genick brechen. Und doch ist es unangenehm ständig und überall im Mittelpunkt zu stehen, sich dann mit einem „I work here“ zu rechtfertigen und sich danach selbst zu verfluchen, dass man das jetzt irgendwie voll doof fand.

Symbolbild: Glückliche afrikanische Kinder.  Bitte spenden Sie jetzt.

Symbolbild: Glückliche afrikanische Kinder.
Bitte spenden Sie jetzt.

„Avoid attention“, hat mir unser Producer irgendwann beigebracht und mir die VJ-Kamera aus der Hand genommen. Ich hielt daraufhin meinen Arm an seinen Arm und nörgelte „nice try…“. Kenianische Logik: Es ist nicht HIV, Klebstoff oder Chang’aa, das die Menschen hier umbringt. NEIN. Wenn, dann ist es zu kaltes Bier (kein Witz!) von dem man Halskrebs oder sonst eine Kehl-Krankheit bekommt und daran jämmerlich verreckt. Und demnach erregt auch der einzige Weiße im Umkreis von 30 Kilometern ohne diese Kamera in der Hand deutlich weniger Aufmerksamkeit. Der Schuhputzer neben mir hörte trotzdem nicht auf zu brüllen.

Irgendwo im Westen, in Gita – einem kleinen, wirklich verschlafenen Dorf in der Nähe von Kisumu – ist das Kuschel-Afrika. Da lächle ich freundlich bei dem ganzen „Muzunguheyhowareyouiamfine“ (gespr. wie’s da steht). Ist ja auch klar. Kommt ja auch aus den Mündern von Vierjährigen, die hinterher brav und gut gelaunt zum Abschied hinter dem Auto herrennen. Hach. Welch’ schöne dritte Welt. Da spendet man doch gern. Vor allem jetzt, wo ja bald Weihnachten ist.

2013-12-05 10.54.09

Kurbelte die Stacheldraht-Industrie an: Westgate Mall. (v.l.n.r) Einschusslöcher, Laterne, Name der Mall, Einschusslöcher.

„MUZUNGU!“. Ich reagiere nicht mehr. Ich starre über fünf Mechaniker hinweg auf Stan, der mit einer Hand die Klebstoff-Kids vom Einsteigen ins Auto abhält und mit der anderen das Lenkrad dreht. Nach 30 Minuten haben wir die Karre an den Straßenrand bekommen und laden unser Equipment hektisch in ein Taxi um. „You should always be with me when i break down at places like this“, sagt Stan. „No one cares about the car!“.

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  666. cbt sagt:

    Today, I went to the beach with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said „You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.“ She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to tell someone!

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  720. My developer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on a variety of websites for about a year and am nervous about switching to another platform. I have heard fantastic things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress content into it? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

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  742. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the page layout of your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

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  744. With havin so much written content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any solutions to help protect against content from being ripped off? I’d truly appreciate it.

  745. Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any help is very much appreciated.

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