Kenia: MUZUNGU!HIHOWAREYOU?IAMFINE!

Ich habe mich damit abgefunden ein Fremdkörper zu sein. Umgehen kann ich damit trotzdem nicht. 

2013-12-03 11.08.34

„Let’s avoid traffic“

Stan will den Stau umfahren.Dreißig knietiefe Schlaglöcher später steht unser Kleinbus eingekeilt zwischen Rikscha-Guys, Matatus und Ständen mitten auf dem Gikomba Market. Es heißt, es sei der größte Markt in Afrika. Ich glaube er ist größer. „We avoided traffic!“, sagt Stan triumphierend und kriecht 20 Zentimeter weiter. Dann wird es still. Zu still. Stan fummelt hektisch am Zündschloss. Tot. Unser Nissan hat sich soeben verabschiedet.

Eine super Stelle um liegen zu bleiben. „You have to push it!“, ruft Stan. Ich atme tief durch und will die Tür öffnen. „Wait!“. Kein Saft in der Batterie. Die Zentralverriegelung funktioniert nicht mehr. „You can’t push it!“. Auf der Rückbank liegen zwei Fernsehkameras und viele andere Sachen, für die man in Nairobi gerne mal einen K.O. Schlag kassiert. Ich bleibe also im Wagen. Lenny muss schieben.

2013-12-03 14.52.00

Stau. Nairobi-Edition.

Ein halbtoter, fast beulenfreier Kleinbus: Business für etwa 20 selbsternannte Mechaniker, die gerade um uns herumwuseln. Kann man ihnen nicht verübeln. Das Auto wackelt, bewegt sich aber kaum. „You’re too heavy!“ brüllt es vom Fahrersitz. Ich steige zum Schieben aus. Und auf einmal ist das Auto ziemlich uninteressant.

Es gibt gewisse Dinge, die der „Muzungu“ nicht macht. Laufen zum Beispiel. Ich bin aber trotzdem in der Lage zwei Kilometer zu Fuß zurückzulegen. Das muss ich aber jeden Morgen etwa 20 Taxis, Motorrädern und Matatus erklären. Geschenkt. Fragen kostet ja nix. Aber das Antworten strengt an.

Ebenso ungewöhnlich ist unsere mittelschwere Katastrophe vorm Gikomba Market: Ein liegengebliebenes Auto multipliziert mit Filmteam potenziert mit diesem bleichen Kerl, der da gerade aus dem Auto hüpft. Und dann, OMG, hat der auch noch blonde Haare. Da guckt der Kenianer nicht lang. Der brüllt direkt in allen Tonlagen Muzungu und fragt warum ich denn nicht getankt hätte.

Ich muss das dringend reflektieren – dieses „Weiß Sein“. Aber wie ich es auch drehe, ich finde keinen Zugang. Zumindest nicht ohne alle Nasen lang irgendein postkoloniales Gedankenverbrechen zu begehen.

Boulevard of first world problems.

Boulevard of first world problems.

Etwas, was der Muzungu auch nicht mehr oft macht ist Einkaufen. Seitdem im September ein paar islamistische Harros auf die Idee kamen in der Westgate Mall um sich zu schießen, hat sich so mancher Weißer noch ein paar Meter Stacheldraht gekauft und schickt jetzt seine Hausangestellten zum Einkaufen. Hinter hohen Mauern kann man dem Gras auch besser beim Wachsen zuschauen. Wobei: man sollte wissen, dass die Westgate Mall nicht gerade der Tengelmann von Nairobi war, sondern DER Treffpunkt für alles was sich hier UN, Expat, Diplomat oder sonstwie schimpft: Die reichen Ausländer eben.

Ich mag das nicht. Diese Straßen in denen sich goldene Käfige aneinanderreihen. Ich mag auch nicht, dass man mir verbieten will nach Einbruch der Dunkelheit zu Fuß zu gehen. Und ich mag erst recht nicht, dass Nairobi aus den Taxi-Tunneln besteht, in die man mich reinquatscht. Das ist doch ekelig! Da will man doch raus! Da macht man Dinge, die doch jeder macht. In die Innenstadt fahren zum Beispiel. Ist ja Sonntag. Nicht viel los. Das wird entspannt. Dass die Matatu-Insassen schlagartig verstummen, wenn ich einsteige – das kann ich ja noch ignorieren. Nicht aber die fünf Klebstoff-Kids, die drei Safari-Händler und die zwei „New Rafikis“ die mir seit zwei Straßen hinterherrennen. „Du bist stehen geblieben, was?“, wird man mich später fragen. Und ich werde dann antworten: „Natürlich! An der Ampel zum Beispiel“. Dann werde ich ein mitleidiges Lächeln kassieren.

Ja, ja, ich weiß schon, wie das geht. Nicht anhalten, nicht umschauen und um Himmels willen keine Fotos machen – vor allem nicht da, wo keine Kenyatta-Statue steht. Und Zack da ist es wieder. Dieses Geschmäckle. Dieser Reichtum den ich verteidigen muss. Der besteht bei meinem Trip durch die Innenstadt zwar ausschließlich aus einem Handy und umgerechnet 30 Euro, aber für die Leute, die mir gerade hinterherlaufen ist der entweder unendlich groß, oder sie vermuten an meinem Körper irgendwo eine Kreditkarte.

Ich möchte nichts verteidigen. Wozu? Ich konnte mir den Flug hier hin leisten. Da werden mir 20 Euro Taschendiebstahl nicht das Genick brechen. Und doch ist es unangenehm ständig und überall im Mittelpunkt zu stehen, sich dann mit einem „I work here“ zu rechtfertigen und sich danach selbst zu verfluchen, dass man das jetzt irgendwie voll doof fand.

Symbolbild: Glückliche afrikanische Kinder.  Bitte spenden Sie jetzt.

Symbolbild: Glückliche afrikanische Kinder.
Bitte spenden Sie jetzt.

„Avoid attention“, hat mir unser Producer irgendwann beigebracht und mir die VJ-Kamera aus der Hand genommen. Ich hielt daraufhin meinen Arm an seinen Arm und nörgelte „nice try…“. Kenianische Logik: Es ist nicht HIV, Klebstoff oder Chang’aa, das die Menschen hier umbringt. NEIN. Wenn, dann ist es zu kaltes Bier (kein Witz!) von dem man Halskrebs oder sonst eine Kehl-Krankheit bekommt und daran jämmerlich verreckt. Und demnach erregt auch der einzige Weiße im Umkreis von 30 Kilometern ohne diese Kamera in der Hand deutlich weniger Aufmerksamkeit. Der Schuhputzer neben mir hörte trotzdem nicht auf zu brüllen.

Irgendwo im Westen, in Gita – einem kleinen, wirklich verschlafenen Dorf in der Nähe von Kisumu – ist das Kuschel-Afrika. Da lächle ich freundlich bei dem ganzen „Muzunguheyhowareyouiamfine“ (gespr. wie’s da steht). Ist ja auch klar. Kommt ja auch aus den Mündern von Vierjährigen, die hinterher brav und gut gelaunt zum Abschied hinter dem Auto herrennen. Hach. Welch’ schöne dritte Welt. Da spendet man doch gern. Vor allem jetzt, wo ja bald Weihnachten ist.

2013-12-05 10.54.09

Kurbelte die Stacheldraht-Industrie an: Westgate Mall. (v.l.n.r) Einschusslöcher, Laterne, Name der Mall, Einschusslöcher.

„MUZUNGU!“. Ich reagiere nicht mehr. Ich starre über fünf Mechaniker hinweg auf Stan, der mit einer Hand die Klebstoff-Kids vom Einsteigen ins Auto abhält und mit der anderen das Lenkrad dreht. Nach 30 Minuten haben wir die Karre an den Straßenrand bekommen und laden unser Equipment hektisch in ein Taxi um. „You should always be with me when i break down at places like this“, sagt Stan. „No one cares about the car!“.

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  267. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was curious what all is required to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% positive. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Kudos

  268. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was curious what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100% positive. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Appreciate it

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  278. Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?

  279. Hey! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having problems finding one? Thanks a lot!

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  287. Hello there! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Thank you

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  302. Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success. If you know of any please share. Thank you!

  303. With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help prevent content from being stolen? I’d certainly appreciate it.

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  307. Hmm is anyone else having problems with the pictures on this blog loading? I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

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  309. Hey there this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding experience so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

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  325. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

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  343. Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?

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  352. Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any tips for newbie blog writers? I’d really appreciate it.

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  354. My developer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on a number of websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform. I have heard good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress content into it? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

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  357. Hi, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, awesome blog!

  358. Whoa! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a completely different subject but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Outstanding choice of colors!

  359. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is required to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% sure. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks

  360. Hi would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using? I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m having a hard time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique. P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

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  366. Hey would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using? I’m going to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a tough time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique. P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!|

  367. Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said „You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.“ She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

  368. I’m really loving the theme/design of your web site. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility problems? A small number of my blog readers have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this issue?

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There are likely to be options available to you. To help you understand the situation, let’s first take a look at why lenders might be unwilling to offer you a remortgage deal. Bad credit calculator Find out if you can get a mortgage with our new calculator. Check here Why Might Lenders Be Unwilling to Remortgage? Most high street lenders will look upon bad credit remortgage applications in the same way they’d consider, and probably turn down, initial mortgage applications from people with bad credit. From a financial standpoint, a history of bad credit or an existing bad credit score is indicative of poor money management skills, and this makes those applicants a high risk for lenders. However, as with most things involving finance, there are a number of truths and myths which can become blurred. The biggest misconception is that the answer to a bad credit remortgage application will always be a resounding ‘no’. 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Arguably the most important thing you can do is to improve your credit score. Improving your credit score is a continuous process, not something that can be achieved overnight – you must persevere with it to get results. However, if you are taking the right steps, you will soon begin to see some small improvements. Having a healthy credit score will make a huge difference to your future financial dealings. We always recommend speaking to a qualified adviser with regard to putting together a plan to improve your credit score; however, there are some immediate actions you can take to put your credit rating back on track. These include: Get a copy of your credit report from each of the UK’s three credit reference agencies – Experian, Equifax and Callcredit – and check that the details they hold are correct (they may hold different details, so do get your report from all three, not just one) Regularly update the personal details held on your credit report Make sure you are registered on the electoral roll Keep track of your credit card balances; ideally try to always pay more than the minimum to drive the balance down, and take care not to go over your agreed credit limit Use your calendar to make sure you pay your bills on time and manage your monthly income Cancel all lines of credit that are not in use, such as store cards or ‘just in case’ credit cards (but see below for an alternative option) Build up a positive credit history; for example, if you have a credit card that you don’t use, rather than cancelling it, use it at least once a month, perhaps for buying petrol or groceries – but make sure you pay it off in full every time, don’t build up additional debt Resist the temptation to take out payday loans, as they are considered to be a red flag showing that you cannot manage your finances month to month Moving forward, leave any good debt on your report For more suggestions as to how you can repair your credit rating, check out our page of simple tips. 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